Who’s Sorry Now?

Apologizing has become an art form these days, with politicians, celebrities and CEOs saying “I’m sorry” in the public arena for misdeeds. Many times, the sincerity of such apologies are questions, with good cause in some cases. I sometimes shudder to think how all those public mea culpas look to children.

We want our children to apologize when they do something wrong. Usually, they can see—even if they don’t acknowledge—that their actions were not right and therefore an “I’m sorry” is needed.

But what about when the action was an accident, totally unintentional? Then it’s harder for the child to make the connection as to the apology’s necessary, but it doesn’t negate the fact that the apology should still be made.

One way we raise our children to be good citizens is to ensure they take responsibility for both their intentional and accidental actions. Whether they mean to hurt someone—with words or deeds—is not the point, and so many times we as parents get bogged down with the intent of the action. Instead, we should focus on the action’s outcome—hurt feelings or hurt bodies. If our child caused such hurt, whether it’s legitimate or not, whether it was on purpose or not, then the child should apologize.

In our family, we’ve tried to teach our children how to apologize. For instance, “I’m sorry,” isn’t enough. The child must say what he’s apologizing for. The child to whom the apology is given also needs to acknowledge the apology and tender forgiveness—at least verbally—by saying “I forgive you.”

Some wrongs might need more than a verbal apology. I’ve had my girls write letters of apology when they’ve hurt the feelings of a friend. The very act of putting down on paper why they are sorry can help them feel more remorse and also shows the other child their sincerity in the apology.

Children often don’t think to say they’re sorry because they’re still learning not to be self-centered. Helping them follow the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—is key to them realizing their need to apologize.

It’s difficult to apologize, because we don’t like to be in the wrong. We should remember that our children are watching us as we do—or don’t, as the case may be—apologize for our own wrongdoings. The more sincere and quick we are to say we’re sorry, the better example we’ll be for our children to follow.

How do you handle it when your child needs to say he’s sorry?

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com.

Friend Me (Not)

Friend me, friend me not. 

Should you or should you not be your child’s friend is one of the biggest modern parenting questions. Many parents use the framework “Will my child still like me if I do X?” before making any decision, whether consciously or unconsciously. And having a child scream at you, “I hate you,” and run off crying to her room can devastate most parents.

Fifty years ago, parents didn’t worry about whether or not their children liked them. Fifty years ago, parents realized that being a good parent wasn’t going to be popular with the kids. Fifty years ago, parents knew that when a child yelled “I hate you,” it generally meant they were doing the right thing.

We need to realize that we shouldn’t worry so much about having our children’s approval. Keep in mind that by not concerning yourself with being liked by your kids, you will be a much more effective leader in your home. Someone needs to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the discipline and decision-making that is part of the growing-up process.  

Remember, the right decisions are not going to be popular. Who ever heard of a child protesting vehemently when you told him he was going out for ice cream? Children only protest when they don’t like the decision.

You as a parent should expect that one day, your child will shout to you the heart-rending words “I hate you”—because that’s what all kids do at some point. Children may say they don’t like you, but if you think about when they utter those words, it’s usually because they disagree with whatever decision (or consequence) you’ve just delivered. The reality is, you are giving them what they need, even though they can’t express it (and probably won’t appreciate it) until they are parents themselves.

Whenever the need to be liked by your children hits you, think about the future. Doing our job as leaders when our kids are under 18 lays the foundation for a lifetime of friendship. We only have a mere 18 years to train and mentor our kids, but many times over to be their friend when they become adults.

My mother and I clashed some during the teen years, and there were times when I—much to my embarrassment now—hollered that I hated her. Today, I’m grateful for the many years we’ve had of sweet friendship, of sharing and laughing and praying together, of being mother and daughter, yet friends as well. Years that I hope will continue well into the future.

So preserve in your calling as a parent, the authority in the home, by fixing your eyes on the long term goal instead of a short-term gain of being liked by your kids all the time. If we focus on raising responsible, caring, emancipated adults, we will have done our job well—and found a new friend in our grown children.

How do you handle unpopular decisions with your children?

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer/editor, author of Hired@Home and her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach. 

Throwing in the Towel

Sometimes, the solution to a parenting problem can be as easy as looking at the problem from a different angle. As parents, we often get hung up on enforcing a solution that causes angst to both child and parent when there might be a better way of accomplishing the same thing. Here’s a personal example:

Every time I passed the hall bathroom, which served both our guests and our children, a hand towel would be on the floor. This drove me crazy with a capital C. The kids—being only in the beginning of the civilizing process—would simply yank the towel off to dry hands and then toss it in the direction of the towel rack.

The two youngest children simply couldn’t reach the towel rack, so I told them to put the towel on the sink and I would come by later and re-hang it. No amount of correction made a lasting change. It seemed that I was destined to lose this battle, one that was increasingly grating on my nerves.

Then I had an epiphany while looking at the kitchen towel hanging so neatly on the fridge handle: What if I made the hall bath hand towels the same way? An hour or so of sewing transformed the hand towels.

Now, the towels hang nice and neat on the towel rack, and my blood pressure doesn’t rise every time I walk by the bathroom. The children can reach the towels and, after nearly a year of use, have yet to yank the rack off the wall by pulling too roughly on the hanging towels.

Best of all, it was a solution that solved a problem in a unique way. (Please note that I’m not recommending this approach for behavior problems.)

However, for those occasional problems that come our way as parents—such as hanging up coats after school (consider bins for the coats, mittens and hats) or keeping library books in one place (perhaps a basket for each child’s books that’s stationed near the front door)—thinking of a solution that makes it easier for the child to comply with your request might just be the ticket to a little less stress in your house.

What are some ways you have solved a similar problem?

Sarah Hamaker is now a certified Leadership Parenting Coach through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com.

Chores, or How I’ve Stopped Cleaning the House

This summer, I revamped our household chores, realizing that it’s high time I stopped doing most of the cleaning around here. With four kids between the ages of 4 and 9, I had a ready and able army of helpers.

I sat down and wrote out all the chores I knew my kids were capable of handling. Then I wrote up specific instructions as to how those chores should be done, leaving nothing to the imagination. Finally, I mapped out who would do which chores on what days, putting in what time said chores must be accomplished. (It’s best to be as specific as possible to avoid “misunderstanding” when kids are involved.)

Reviewing the list, I realized nearly every household cleaning task could be assigned to the children, from washing the kitchen floor to vacuuming, from taking out the trash to doing the dishes. Once everything was in place, I called a family meeting and informed the children of the new chores.

While not exactly excited about the prospect—although my five-year-old did do a fist-pump upon being told his job would be setting the table for dinner—the kids have proved to be fairly proficient at cleaning. Not perfect, but with gentle instruction and encouragement, they will soon be doing it as well as any grownup.

Some parents balk at the thought of having their children “work” around the house. To that, I say, aren’t your children consumers in the family? Are they not part of the family? Then they should contribute to the upkeep of the family.

If you need more convincing, here are some positive benefits of chores.

Chores build confidence. Just listen to my oldest brag to her friend that she’s “old enough to do the dishes.” She has discovered that she’s capable of doing something without assistance, something that contributes to the family.

Chores build character, specifically a good work ethic. Being a good employee when they grow up is started by teaching them how to be a good member of the family through chores. Believe me, your child’s future employer will thank you.

Chores build responsibility. Giving your children the opportunity to serve within your family shapes their sense of responsibility.

One final note about chores and compensation: Well-meaning parents tie chores to allowances, and that can create a world of problems. To wit, if a child doesn’t want the money, then he doesn’t have to do the chore, right? Chores are service to the family—if you pay for the chore, the it’s no longer an act of service. So separate chores from allowances.

So start handing over more of the housework to your children and watch their character, confidence and responsibility grow.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Summertime Blues

School is ending across the country, and with it, wails of distress from parents as they scramble for ways to fill their children’s time during the hot, sticky days of summer. I’ve heard numerous parents express dismay at the end of school, and have felt in the minority that I don’t feel as miserable as they do about having my children around all the time.

For families with both parents working, or for single parent households, I can well understand the need to find adequate childcare or camps in the summer. But for families that have one parent at home, summer is a wonderful opportunity for you and your children—and it doesn’t have to mean you are responsible for entertaining them day in and day out.

Fighting chants of “I’m bored,” or “I don’t know what to do,” or “I have nothing to do,” can be downright exhausting if you hear those or similar phrases as soon as your little darlings wake in the morning. But do not despair! I have a solution that, if followed to the letter, will ensure a summer filled with innovation and inspiration, all with just a little bit of work on your part.

First, draw up a list of things your child or children can do on their own. This can be as simple as play with a certain toy or read a book. Tailor it to the age of your child. Write down as many things as you can think of that require a minimum (read barely any) assistance from you. Type it up and label it “Things to Do When You’re Bored” or something equally catchy.

Note: Your summer will go smoother if you limit electronic screen time (TV and video/DVD watching, computer, and hand-held electronic games, etc.). Studies have shown—and, if you have ever interrupted a child involved in one of those activities—that screen time is highly addictive. Better to encourage your children in other pursuits in their leisure time. This is not a popular view, I know, but I think you’ll find it’s worth the hassle to get your kids disconnected for most of the summer.

Second, write down a list of extra chores not included in the daily or weekly list for your children. Cut into slips of paper with one chore on each slip, fold and place into a jar or other container and label “Chore Jar.”

Third, on the first day of summer vacation, sit down your kids after breakfast and hand them the “Things to Do When You’re Bored” list. Tell them that this is what they can do when they’re feeling bored or have nothing to do. Inform them that if anyone utters the words “I’m bored,” or “I have nothing to do,” or any variation thereof, that child picks a chore to do from the Chore Jar. That chore must be completed immediately to the parent’s satisfaction. Failure to do so will result in being confined to his or her room for the rest of the day and to bed after supper. This is called “making them an offer they can’t refuse.”

Fourth, follow through. When I introduced this last summer to my two older girls, they immediately said they were bored to see what kind of chores were in the Chore Jar. After completing a particular onerous task, I didn’t hear “I’m bored,” the entire summer.

For those of you who need ideas, my booklet Boredom Busters has dozens of ideas for children, as well as some chore ideas for the Chore Jar. Boredom Busters is available on Kindle and Smashwords (for the Nook, iPad, and other e-reader devices, as well as in a PDF) for only 99 cents. Leave a comment under this post for a chance to win a copy of the Boredom Busters.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Do Not Disturb the Family Peace

As I sat down at my computer to write a blog post for this site, I heard a ruckus upstairs. Sounds of screaming that didn’t sound quite so happy. With four children between the ages of 3 and 9, one gets used to a certain amount of loudness, but my mother’s radar detected something different in these sounds.

I followed the source to my girls’ room, where the 9-year-old was attempting to drag the 7-year-old out of the room because she “wanted her room to herself.” Never mind that the room was both of theirs, she wanted to be alone. I separated the pair for a cooling off period, thinking that a 9-year-old was a little too young to pull a Greta Garbo.

Sibling conflict can be overwhelming, especially when you have a mix of ages and genders. Most of the time, my children do play well together with a minimum of fuss. But it’s inevitable that conflict will raise its ugly head at times.

The way you as a parent handle sibling clashes can help—or hinder—how your children interact with each other. Here’s how we handle sibling clashes.

We decided that we would not play referee. It was not our job to intervene when the wailing started out of sight. We would not judge who was right and who was wrong. No assigning roles of victim or villain for us. If we happened to actually see the wrongdoing, that was another thing. But we would not participate after the fact in their disagreements. We would give kisses, but would not encourage tattling.

To enforce this, we created a chart and stuck it to the refrigerator. Titled “Do Not Disturb the Family Peace,” the chart outlined what would earn every child a ticket:

1. Keep it down. (Do not become too boisterous or noisy.)
2. No hurting each other. (Do not hit, punch, push or otherwise maim your siblings.)
3. No tattling. (Do not become a snitch on your siblings.)

Clipped to the fridge beside this chart are three tickets, pieces of laminated paper. For each infraction, the entire group loses one ticket. If all three tickets are lost, the entire group goes directly to their rooms for the rest of the day and directly to bed after supper.

This eliminates the problem of trying to figure out what happened. It doesn’t really matter who was at fault, does it? What this system is doing is putting the resolution of conflict onto the children, where it belongs.

When I heard my two girls going at it, I simply walked in, said they were disturbing the family peace and directed one to get a ticket. No arguing, no drama. Then I walked out.

So far, in the two months we’ve had this system in place, they have yet to lose all three tickets. And if they do, I’ll enjoy a nice day without kids underfoot, and a more relaxing evening with my husband.

Now, would it be terrible of me to wish they would lose all three tickets one day….?

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Merry-Go-Round: Old Fashioned Fun

With March proving to be delightful in the weather department, we’ve been visiting playgrounds recently. On one visit, for nearly the entire half hour or so we were there, my three oldest children played on one piece of equipment: the merry-go-round. Laughter, squeals of pretend terror, sheer joy on the faces of the children hanging on for dear life as other kids ran as fast as they could in the grooved circle—what could be a better picture of childhood?

Nearly every non-preschooler who came to the playground made a beeline directly for the merry-go-round. I sat on a nearby bench and watched the interplay between the kids, and was heartened to see everyone getting along. Chants of “Push us, push us,” were answered by someone leaping off and racing around. When my youngest son (age 3) got on and then decided he wanted off shortly after the rotations began, a kid yelled, “Stop, someone wants to get off,” and they slowed to allow my son to slid off.

What other piece of equipment can teach children how to get along with one another better than a merry-go-round? There’s so many life lessons to be learned while spinning until you’re dizzy.

But we adults have over-reacted to the merry-go-round’s potential harm by suing playground equipment manufacturers, and cities and schools that had parks with merry-go-rounds installed. Sure some kids have gotten hurt on merry-go-rounds, but what I find more disturbing is our increasing desire to wrap our children in cotton wool to avoid any booboos or skinned knees (hence the tendency to make them wear knee and elbow pads while bike riding or rollerblading).

No one wants our children to get hurt psychically, and we should put a stop to obviously dangerous things. On the other hand, giving children the freedom to spread their wings and fly around the world on a merry-go-round can be wonderful to their own development.

Let them see the world outside is to be explored and conquered, not feared and avoided. Let them experience the joys and pains of mastering things like bike riding and monkey bars. Let them view the world from a different perspective by climbing trees or hanging upside from the swing set.

Sure, you might have to stock up on band-aids and kiss a few more hurts, but if you can resist the urge to place your children inside a bubble, you might just find out that they are tougher than you think. Hearing your children describe their outdoor adventures can be a priceless experience in itself.

So keep the cotton wool safely tucked away, and go find a park with a merry-go-round, but I’d avoid jumping on board unless you have a stomach of iron. Some things are better left to the kids.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Stepping Back, Not Forward

You’re on the playground and your five-year-old son pushes another boy down while playing a game of tag. You see children being children, no harm done; the other mother sees a playground bully preying on her child.

As any mother can attest, situations like the one above are fraught with drama. If you’re the mother of the pusher, you can feel judged and embarrassed. If you’re the mother of the pushee, you can feel angry and scared for your child’s wellbeing.

Used with permission from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
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That scenario happened to me earlier this week, with my son being the one who pushed another child down while playing a game with a group of boys, all around the same age. Boys of a certain age tend to be play a bit rough. None of the boys were being mean or vicious—and I keep a close eye on my two boys to ensure their play does not stray into that territory. I know my oldest son can get carried away with his play and become too rough, and I try to nip that tendency in the bud.

I feel in general that we as parents, and particularly as mothers, have become oversensitive about our expectations for our children’s behavior and the behavior of other children. With the pushing incident, I felt the other mother wanted me to discipline my child for something I wasn’t even sure he had done. The other mother was visibly upset and angry, even though her son was back playing as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes, we strive too hard to please everyone with our parenting—and that can lead to us to make mistakes and not parent effectively. Sometimes, it’s harder to let children be children, and to let them work through their own squabbles without interfering.

My goal with my children has been to be as hands-off as possible, to let them figure things out on their own whenever possible, to train them how to resolve conflicts as they grow (and with siblings, there’s plenty of opportunity for that!), and to just be kids. Allowing our kids the chance to grow in their own can be a beautiful thing. That doesn’t mean we turn them completely loose, or that we ignore bad behavior, but that we step back from them more often than we step forward into their lives.

And keeping a little perspective on the playground, helps, too.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Good Intentions

During a recent visit with my parents, we all went out to our favorite pizza buffet restaurant, and our four children asked to sit at their own table. We picked a table right beside ours and my husband and I sat with our backs to our children, in order to keep an eye on them.

Near the end of the meal, a woman stopped by our table, obviously upset, to say that, “Someone should tell those girls that it’s not polite to point, make faces and laugh at people.” Somewhat taken aback, I stammered out an apology and then turned to ask the girls what had happened.

The girls in question—ages 9 and 7—vehemently denied having done such a thing, the older one beginning to cry at the accusations. Upon further questioning, it came out that the pair had been engaged in their own storytelling that involved making funny faces and gesturing to the opposite wall, which would have meant those sitting in their path could have misconstrued the situation. Added to their explanation was the fact that we have never seen them behave in such a way toward anyone, we were inclined to believe them. The girls themselves were suitably chastised by the encounter.

But it presented an excellent opportunity to discuss our intentions and how those can be mistaken by others as not good. Their making faces and pointing in public had been misinterpreted by someone as directed at them—and it didn’t paint a flattering picture of the girls’ behavior or character.

We also talked about how the woman must have felt to think they were making fun of her appearance, and how devastated the girls would have felt had they seen someone doing similar things ostensibly about them. Too many times, we forget to talk to our children about trying to avoid the “appearance of evil” in their actions, especially in public or school. While some people will find fault in everything, many times situations like the one discussed in this post could have been avoided if we had curbed our own actions.

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but a vital one that good intentions are not the only thing we need to keep in mind—that we need to have a thought for our fellow man and how our actions might impact him.

Attack of the Messy House!

There are many things I would rather do than clean my house. If it weren’t for hosting a weekly women’s Bible study on Wednesday mornings, my house would probably not get cleaned on a regular basis. A few times a year, I treat myself to hiring a cleaning service (usually through a Groupon or Living Social deal) and the spectacular results make my heart sing in gratitude.

However, with four kids, a husband and two cats, I have to clean on a regular basis. I’m fortunate in that my husband cleans the bathrooms at least twice a month and my kids can do the wipe-down method with those cleaning cloths in between times. (Yes, he does a great job, but no, it’s not how I would do it. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in nearly a dozen years of marriage—if your husband is willing to clean the bathrooms and the results are clean enough, then step back, let go and enjoy!)



Being a left-brained, organized (at times, overly so) person, I approach cleaning systematically and orderly. At times, though, the clutter and messiness of my house can be overwhelming, and that’s when I employ the Kamikaze Cleaning method, developed by my friend, Stephanie Buckwalter.

The Kamikaze method is designed to be easy, keep the decision-making to a minimum, and start the long-term project of getting your whole house livable again. “This is really about getting your house presentable so you can let people in the front door again. A side bonus is that you will be able to function in your space again. You might even get a few kudos from your family,” she writes in her e-book, Kamikaze Cleaning.

With Christmas around the corner, there’s time to get your house in order before the big day. “Basically, the method involves putting everything into boxes that you don’t use right now in your life,” says Stephanie. “You can do a whole room in three passes and have it ready in time for the holidays.”

This month, Stephanie’s giving away a copy of her ebook Preparing Your Home for the Holidays, which tells you how to clean the high visibility areas for the greatest impact. Sign up for her free e-newsletter at http://www.busyhomemaker.com/ by Dec. 12 to get your copy of Preparing Your Home for the Holidays.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at http://www.sarahhamaker.com/, where she blogs about working from home.

Chocolate Dream Dessert

One of my goals in life is to have a repertoire of simple, delicious recipes that are impressive enough for company and guaranteed to disappear at potlucks. Perhaps it’s not a lofty goal and maybe some will think me a bit lazy in the cooking department, but I’d rather do other things than spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

This is one of those recipes. It’s quick, easy and yummy, appealing to both children and adults alike. For best results, refrigerate overnight.

Chocolate Dream Dessert

First (bottom) layer: 1 cup flour, ½ cup chopped nuts, 1 stick of butter. Combine and press into a 9X13 inch baking pan. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Cool completely before adding other layers.

Second layer: 8-ounces cream cheese (softened), 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip topping. Blend well together and spread on top of first layer.

Third layer: 2 3-ounce packages instant chocolate pudding, 3 cups cold milk. Mix together and pour over second layer. Refrigerate until firm, about 4 hours.

Fourth layer: 1 to 2 cups Cool Whip. Spread over firmed third layer. Refrigerate until served.

Book Review: Biggest Book of Slow Cooker Recipes

I’m in love with my slow cooker. Perhaps I should be in therapy, but I find it amazing that you throw a bunch of stuff into the slow cooker, set the correct cooking time or degree, and then, voila!. Dinner is ready hours later.

If I had to only keep on kitchen appliance, it would be my slow cooker. To me, this is the busy woman’s best friend. I’m frankly amazed at how many women I run into who never take their slow cookers out of the cabinet.

My favorite cookbook for slow cooker recipes is Better Homes and Gardens “Biggest Book of Slow Cooker Recipes.” It’s been around for several years, but is still in print and available on Amazon.com.

The recipes are unusual and nearly every one has been a winner with my brood (husband and four kids). This book is organized by category and even has two bonus chapters on five ingredient entrees and one-dish dinners. The instructions are clear and concise, nutrition information is given and the number of servings is accurate.

Here’s my take on each chapter, with my favorite recipes.

Appetizers/Beverages: A wide range of dips and spreads, plus some unusual and flavorful beverages. The Asiago Cheese Dip really stands out, and is great for parties (has a great “Wow” factor). I also serve the Mulled Cranberry Cider at an annual winter party that is fantastic.

Soups/Stews: A good variety of both, with different meats used. Lamb & Barley Vegetable Soup and Argentina-Style Stew are standouts in this section.

Side Dishes: From Mashed Sweet Potatoes & Parsnips to Cranberry-Orange Sauced Beets, this section helps me get my kids to ask for seconds on veggies.

Beef, Pork & Lamb: This is the meatiest section (no pun intended!) and has saved dinner at my house more times than I can recall. Curried Pot Roast, Country-Style Pork Ribs and Barley Lamb Shanks are some of my family’s favorites.

Poultry: How many ways can you cook chicken in a slow cooker? More than 20 make their appearance in this book, including the tasty Chicken With Artichokes and Olives. Tune in Friday when I give an easy slow cooker chicken recipe.

Meatless Main Dishes: I’ve been trying to serve one vegetarian meal per week and this section has definitely come in handy. Pasta With Eggplant Sauce is the only way one of my kids will eat eggplant.

Five Ingredients: I must confess that this is my least-favorite chapter, mostly because in order to only have five ingredients, a few of them are packaged, processed foods like soups or flavor mixes, which I prefer not to use. But I do love the Pork Roast With Apricot Glaze recipe.

One-Dish Dinners: The recipes in this section are not necessarily slow cooker ones, but some are quite delicious. The Sicilian-Style Meat Roll and the Mu Shu-Style Beef & Cabbage Wraps are both popular at our table.

Desserts: These recipes all sound delicious, but I haven’t actually made one because I’m usually using my slow cooker for the main meal instead. But since I’ve purchased a second slow cooker at a yard sale, I’m planning on trying out the Berry Compote or the Pear-Caramel Pudding Cake soon.

I hear that America’s Test Kitchen has a slow cooker cookbook out that I hope to acquire soon. But until then, I’m very happy with the Biggest Book of Slow Cooker Recipes.

Dating When Married

Remember those heady days of early dating with your now-husband? The dinners, movies and outings that just the two of you went on as you discussed everything from favorite bands to politics to religious beliefs. How many times in the past year have you been on a date with your husband?

I do realize that there are seasons of life when it becomes necesssary to hunker down and stay in, such as a newborn baby in the house, sickness (let's not talk about the chicken pox quaratine in our house earlier this year!), or the like. But I sometimes think we have a funny way of letting life overtake our marriages, too, and before we know it, we haven't been on a date with our husbands for way too long.

Finding the time for just the two of you--and I'm not sure falling asleep in front of a DVD in the family room really counts--is as essential to your family as putting food on the table. I'm a firm believer that a happy marriage is the best thing we can give our children, that the relationship between husband and wife is even more important than the parent-child one.

To that end, dating your husband should be a top priority, and finding reliable babysitters is paramount. If you don't have any regular babysitters, check with the teens in your church to see if they babysit. Try the local MOPS or other playgroups for leads, and ask other neighborhood moms at the bus stop or park. Start a babysitting co-op with friends.

Once you have a pool of babysitters, go put some dates on the calendar. Spend a few hours one afternoon making a list of things you could do together--them pencil those ideas in every month or so. Your ideas could be expensive, such a dinner at a fancy restaurant for your anniversary, or free, such as a summer concert at an outdoor mall.

I've tried to be diligant about doing this every few months, because our calendar will fill up with things to do, but not necessarily dates with my spouse. This summer, we will go out to dinner with friends; see a movie together, not separately; get away to celebrate our anniversary at a B&B (my parents will help out with childcare for this one); see a musical play; and hear a band at an outdoor venue.

Now that you're jealous of my good fortune, go make your own plans and enjoy reconnecting with your spouse in a new way.