Who’s Sorry Now?

Apologizing has become an art form these days, with politicians, celebrities and CEOs saying “I’m sorry” in the public arena for misdeeds. Many times, the sincerity of such apologies are questions, with good cause in some cases. I sometimes shudder to think how all those public mea culpas look to children.

We want our children to apologize when they do something wrong. Usually, they can see—even if they don’t acknowledge—that their actions were not right and therefore an “I’m sorry” is needed.

But what about when the action was an accident, totally unintentional? Then it’s harder for the child to make the connection as to the apology’s necessary, but it doesn’t negate the fact that the apology should still be made.

One way we raise our children to be good citizens is to ensure they take responsibility for both their intentional and accidental actions. Whether they mean to hurt someone—with words or deeds—is not the point, and so many times we as parents get bogged down with the intent of the action. Instead, we should focus on the action’s outcome—hurt feelings or hurt bodies. If our child caused such hurt, whether it’s legitimate or not, whether it was on purpose or not, then the child should apologize.

In our family, we’ve tried to teach our children how to apologize. For instance, “I’m sorry,” isn’t enough. The child must say what he’s apologizing for. The child to whom the apology is given also needs to acknowledge the apology and tender forgiveness—at least verbally—by saying “I forgive you.”

Some wrongs might need more than a verbal apology. I’ve had my girls write letters of apology when they’ve hurt the feelings of a friend. The very act of putting down on paper why they are sorry can help them feel more remorse and also shows the other child their sincerity in the apology.

Children often don’t think to say they’re sorry because they’re still learning not to be self-centered. Helping them follow the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—is key to them realizing their need to apologize.

It’s difficult to apologize, because we don’t like to be in the wrong. We should remember that our children are watching us as we do—or don’t, as the case may be—apologize for our own wrongdoings. The more sincere and quick we are to say we’re sorry, the better example we’ll be for our children to follow.

How do you handle it when your child needs to say he’s sorry?

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com.

Children's Book Review: The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear

This is a book that I remember from when I was growing up. It was first published in the 1980s (a year before I was born), and has since sold over a million copies. I remember sitting on the couch reading it with my mother, and now I have the privilege of reading it to my own children. And oh how fun it is to see my children fall in love with the story!

So how does a little mouse hide his red ripe strawberry from the big hungry bear? Well, there are numerous ways that include everything from disguises to armed guards, but you'll have to read the book to discover the best way to protect a strawberry. And watch out, because you just might meet a fox along the way!

All in all, this is one of my favorite children's books, and both of my boys (who are different ages and have very different tastes) love this story as well. I suggest you get a copy for your own bookshelf, or at least rent it from the local library. Our library has puppets that go along with this story as well, and my kids love playing with the mouse and strawberry.

So now I'm curious. How many of you remember this book from your childhood days?

Friend Me (Not)

Friend me, friend me not. 

Should you or should you not be your child’s friend is one of the biggest modern parenting questions. Many parents use the framework “Will my child still like me if I do X?” before making any decision, whether consciously or unconsciously. And having a child scream at you, “I hate you,” and run off crying to her room can devastate most parents.

Fifty years ago, parents didn’t worry about whether or not their children liked them. Fifty years ago, parents realized that being a good parent wasn’t going to be popular with the kids. Fifty years ago, parents knew that when a child yelled “I hate you,” it generally meant they were doing the right thing.

We need to realize that we shouldn’t worry so much about having our children’s approval. Keep in mind that by not concerning yourself with being liked by your kids, you will be a much more effective leader in your home. Someone needs to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the discipline and decision-making that is part of the growing-up process.  

Remember, the right decisions are not going to be popular. Who ever heard of a child protesting vehemently when you told him he was going out for ice cream? Children only protest when they don’t like the decision.

You as a parent should expect that one day, your child will shout to you the heart-rending words “I hate you”—because that’s what all kids do at some point. Children may say they don’t like you, but if you think about when they utter those words, it’s usually because they disagree with whatever decision (or consequence) you’ve just delivered. The reality is, you are giving them what they need, even though they can’t express it (and probably won’t appreciate it) until they are parents themselves.

Whenever the need to be liked by your children hits you, think about the future. Doing our job as leaders when our kids are under 18 lays the foundation for a lifetime of friendship. We only have a mere 18 years to train and mentor our kids, but many times over to be their friend when they become adults.

My mother and I clashed some during the teen years, and there were times when I—much to my embarrassment now—hollered that I hated her. Today, I’m grateful for the many years we’ve had of sweet friendship, of sharing and laughing and praying together, of being mother and daughter, yet friends as well. Years that I hope will continue well into the future.

So preserve in your calling as a parent, the authority in the home, by fixing your eyes on the long term goal instead of a short-term gain of being liked by your kids all the time. If we focus on raising responsible, caring, emancipated adults, we will have done our job well—and found a new friend in our grown children.

How do you handle unpopular decisions with your children?

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer/editor, author of Hired@Home and her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach. 

Balancing Motherhood and Expectations: Part 2

On Monday, I blogged on Balancing Motherhood and Expectations, wherein I outlined three things we can do when other people's expectations seem to overwhelm us. Today I've got two more tips to share, plus a little story, about how sometimes life conspires against us, even when we really try our best to meet expectations. These tips continue from the first blog post, which is why they're numbered 4 and 5.

4. Accept help without grudging.

For certain personalities (like mine!) accepting help can be hard. When someone offers to help us, we feel like we're only getting help because were a bit of a failure and our previous efforts aren't good enough. If we were good wives, mothers, etc., then no one would ever offer to help with anything.

Whatever you do, don't fall into this thought pattern. It's a lie, and believing it will bring you little happiness. If you're a mom who gets up every morning and works for her family, if you make choices based on what's best for your children and husband, then you are NOT a failure, regardless of how sticky your kitchen cabinets are, or that there's a mess underneath the kitchen table--where you swept fifteen minutes ago.

Most offers of help are genuine. Have you ever offered to help a friend or loved one and then had a great time doing so? I know I have. The truth is, when someone sees you in need and offers to help, accepting that help can mean blessings not just for you, but also for them. So the next time someone sees a need in your life and offers to help, realize the person is likely trying to be a blessing, not viewing you as a failure. Every person on the planet needs a helping hand once in a while. You're far from the only one!

5. Realize that your efforts will not always go according to plan.

If we live isolated on a mountaintop with only bears and wolves to keep us company, we might find that we can control everything that happens to us . . . or mostly everything. Because if you really lived on such a mountaintop, there would still be threat of wildfire, avalanche, bear and wolf attacks, and the like.

When we live in busy households and share bathrooms, living rooms, kitchens, bedrooms, etc. with our children and spouse, our hard work and efforts don't always turn out the way we expect them too. People move that important bill from the table to the counter, and kids spill juice on that thank you note you finally got around to writing. Don't get frustrated. Instead take a deep breath and understand that plans sometimes change because of others in your family.

*****

So, now for my funny story. Last week I FINALLY got around to writing a thank you note, filling out a survey form, and typing a response letter about a book I'd been given to analyze. Keep in mind I should have had these letters written at least three weeks earlier, if not a month. But I blocked out time in my schedule, got everything written, printed, stuffed in an envelope, addressed, and sealed. But I didn't have any stamps. So I left the letter on a corner of the table that usually remains undisturbed.

Had I remembered to get stamps the next day, the letter could have gotten in the mail as it should. Unfortunately I forgot. And forgot and forgot and forgot. At some point in my forgetfulness, I set a water bottle beside the envelop. No big deal.

Except the water bottle leaked. All over my nice, perfect letter. When I held the bottle up to figure out why there was water all over my table, I discovered a subtle crack in the metal along the bottom.

So then I was stuck rewriting and printing everything. The letter got in the mail an entire week late. And as I was going through the process of re-mailing everything to a sweet older couple who probably expected to hear back from me four weeks ago, I decided that I wasn't going to feel guilty about what happened. I'm a mom with two little boys and a very busy life. It while was kind of that couple to buy me lunch, give me a book, and ask my opinion on it, responding to them took a lot of time.

Time that is precious. Time I didn't have. And time I don't regularly allot, because I'm a mom who writes, not a business woman who happens to have children.

But every night when I go to bed, and even twenty and thirty years from now, I don't and won't regret my decision to be a wife and mom first. Because my family is more important than keeping some acquaintances happy.

So what about you? Do you ever find yourself questioning your priorities about motherhood?

Balancing Motherhood and Expectations

Everyone has expectations of us, whether they be our husband or child; boss, parents, or in-laws. As mothers with busy lives, we often find ourselves with not only a long list of housework and children's needs to care for, but with an equally long list of other people's expectations.

Your mother comes to visit, and she expects your house to be clean. Your in-laws come, and they expect your house to be clean. You have friends over for dinner, and they expect your house to be clean. You get together with a new acquaintance so your kids can have a play date, and she leaves in a huff after your son pushes hers.

Yesterday we had a potluck at church, and everyone there expected me to be in the kitchen, smiling as I took food, cut the deserts and dishes that hadn't been cut, find spoons and spatulas for various dishes, and the list goes on.

And often times as mothers, we're supposed to live up to these expectations while the our kids our off playing quietly in a corner. Heaven forbid they get up and run around, or that they get bored and leave that perfect little corner, or that they get mad and start fighting with one another.

So how do we handle everybody else's expectations while still mothering our own children?

1. Focus on your priorities.
Priorities can open up a whole other discussion, but as a wife and mother, your first priority should be your husband, and the next should be your children. You only get one chance to raise your kids, and then they're off on their own, making decisions based on the principles they learned throughout their childhood. So next time someone calls needing you to make something for the bake off, ask yourself if you can feasibly do that task, or if your kids will suffer by being shoved off into some corner.

2. Be polite but firm.
When some well intentioned person (or even a vicious one) starts lecturing you about how your raising your children wrong, or your mother-in-law visits and goes immediately starts washing the fronts of your sticky cupboards, be polite and gently remind that person that keeping them happy isn't your primary goal in life.

3. Don't feel guilty.
Realize that some expectations simply won't get met, and don't feel guilty for putting your family first. You're accountable to God for how you handle your family, not for how many times you make the nosy neighbor across the street smile.

On Thursday I'll be sharing a fun story about how motherhood and expectations conflicted for me last week. But first I have some questions for you. What's the most unreasonable thing a person's ever expected of you? How do you handle other people's rigorous expectations?

Raising Children--Quotes

I've got some inspiring quotes about children today. As I scoured the internet looking these up, I found lots more to share. So I'll have others coming over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

*****

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.”
Rosaleen Dickson

“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” 
Dr. Haim Ginott

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them”
Oscar Wilde

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas”
Anonymous

"Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future”
John F. Kennedy

"Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardour, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision."
Aldous Huxley

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere--and let the air out of the tires."
Dorothy Parker

"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."
Erma Bombeck
"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man."
Rabindranath Tagore

"The people hardest to convince they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime."
Shannon Fife
"Children spell "love," T-I-M-E."
Dr Anthony P Whitman
"Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family."
George Bernard Shaw

Throwing in the Towel

Sometimes, the solution to a parenting problem can be as easy as looking at the problem from a different angle. As parents, we often get hung up on enforcing a solution that causes angst to both child and parent when there might be a better way of accomplishing the same thing. Here’s a personal example:

Every time I passed the hall bathroom, which served both our guests and our children, a hand towel would be on the floor. This drove me crazy with a capital C. The kids—being only in the beginning of the civilizing process—would simply yank the towel off to dry hands and then toss it in the direction of the towel rack.

The two youngest children simply couldn’t reach the towel rack, so I told them to put the towel on the sink and I would come by later and re-hang it. No amount of correction made a lasting change. It seemed that I was destined to lose this battle, one that was increasingly grating on my nerves.

Then I had an epiphany while looking at the kitchen towel hanging so neatly on the fridge handle: What if I made the hall bath hand towels the same way? An hour or so of sewing transformed the hand towels.

Now, the towels hang nice and neat on the towel rack, and my blood pressure doesn’t rise every time I walk by the bathroom. The children can reach the towels and, after nearly a year of use, have yet to yank the rack off the wall by pulling too roughly on the hanging towels.

Best of all, it was a solution that solved a problem in a unique way. (Please note that I’m not recommending this approach for behavior problems.)

However, for those occasional problems that come our way as parents—such as hanging up coats after school (consider bins for the coats, mittens and hats) or keeping library books in one place (perhaps a basket for each child’s books that’s stationed near the front door)—thinking of a solution that makes it easier for the child to comply with your request might just be the ticket to a little less stress in your house.

What are some ways you have solved a similar problem?

Sarah Hamaker is now a certified Leadership Parenting Coach through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com.

Chores, or How I’ve Stopped Cleaning the House

This summer, I revamped our household chores, realizing that it’s high time I stopped doing most of the cleaning around here. With four kids between the ages of 4 and 9, I had a ready and able army of helpers.

I sat down and wrote out all the chores I knew my kids were capable of handling. Then I wrote up specific instructions as to how those chores should be done, leaving nothing to the imagination. Finally, I mapped out who would do which chores on what days, putting in what time said chores must be accomplished. (It’s best to be as specific as possible to avoid “misunderstanding” when kids are involved.)

Reviewing the list, I realized nearly every household cleaning task could be assigned to the children, from washing the kitchen floor to vacuuming, from taking out the trash to doing the dishes. Once everything was in place, I called a family meeting and informed the children of the new chores.

While not exactly excited about the prospect—although my five-year-old did do a fist-pump upon being told his job would be setting the table for dinner—the kids have proved to be fairly proficient at cleaning. Not perfect, but with gentle instruction and encouragement, they will soon be doing it as well as any grownup.

Some parents balk at the thought of having their children “work” around the house. To that, I say, aren’t your children consumers in the family? Are they not part of the family? Then they should contribute to the upkeep of the family.

If you need more convincing, here are some positive benefits of chores.

Chores build confidence. Just listen to my oldest brag to her friend that she’s “old enough to do the dishes.” She has discovered that she’s capable of doing something without assistance, something that contributes to the family.

Chores build character, specifically a good work ethic. Being a good employee when they grow up is started by teaching them how to be a good member of the family through chores. Believe me, your child’s future employer will thank you.

Chores build responsibility. Giving your children the opportunity to serve within your family shapes their sense of responsibility.

One final note about chores and compensation: Well-meaning parents tie chores to allowances, and that can create a world of problems. To wit, if a child doesn’t want the money, then he doesn’t have to do the chore, right? Chores are service to the family—if you pay for the chore, the it’s no longer an act of service. So separate chores from allowances.

So start handing over more of the housework to your children and watch their character, confidence and responsibility grow.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Interview and Giveaway with Author Noelle Marchand

I'm delighted to have one of my good author friends with us today, Noelle Marchand. Noelle's love of literature began as a child when she would spend hours reading beneath the covers long after she was supposed to be asleep. Over the years, God began prompting her to write. Eventually, those stories became like "fire shut up in her bones" leading her to complete her first novel at fifteen. Now, at the age of twenty-three, that fire of inspiration continues to burn.

Noelle is a Houston-native who graduated from Houston Baptist University in May 2012. She received bachelors degree in Mass Communication with a focus in journalism and Speech Communication. The Runaway Bride is her second published novel. (I reviewed it both on Making Home Work and on Amazon.) She will be giving a copy away to one lucky winner, so be sure to leave a comment below with your email address to be entered in the drawing.

I've put together a new list of interview questions that I'm very excited about for today. We'll be looking at things from a daughter's perspective and learning about the impact Noelle's parents had on her.

What decade were you born in, and what era do you remember growing up in? 

I was born in 1988, narrowly avoiding any memories of that decade. I guess I’m a millennial girl. I remember ringing in the new millennium with my family for the first minute or so then sitting down to wait for the world to grind to a halt. Thankfully, the Y2K scare was only that and we could drain the water from the bath tubs and giveaway some of our canned goods without fear.

Ah yes, I remember those stockpiles of canned goods. So glad we never ended up needing them! Where were you born?

I was born and raised in Houston, Texas—the land of skyscrapers and cowboys.

Hmmm... That's a fun combination to imagine. In fact, I think I'm getting the idea for another novel. :-) Share one of your favorite childhood memories.

When I was really young my Dad worked at home. Since I am the youngest, he would take me with him to drive my mom to work after my older siblings went to school. Afterward he’d take me to the park to feed the ducks and ride the miniature train, eat breakfast at a restaurant, or drive home and let me sit on his tummy to watch Barney. I loved having that special one-on-one time with my dad.

That sound so special. I'm really happy you were able to forge such a tight bond with him. Does your family take part in any traditions that you plan to continue in your own home one day?

Every year my sister and I take my mom to see a performance of the Houston Ballet for Mother’s Day. We all really enjoy it. It would be nice to do the same with my daughter(s) one day…assuming I have some. Lol.  

That sounds special as well. I certainly hope you're able to include your own daughter a few years from now. What do you enjoy most about your parents?

They are hilarious! My mom has a sly sense of humor while my dad’s is very in your face but they are both funny. They passed that trait along to all three of their kids. If you put all of us together in a room, there is bound an overabundance of jokes, hijinks, witticism, physical comedy and a lot of laughter.

After reading two of your novels, I can totally see that sense of humor in you! ***Warning to readers, be prepared to laugh if you pick up a copy of The Runaway Bride*** What’s the best life lesson your parents have taught you?

I can sum it up in two small words—have faith. Have faith in God. Have faith that His word is true, active, and powerful. Have faith that nothing is impossible for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Have faith that you can achieve every dream He places in your heart.

Oh Noelle! What a precious lesson to learn from your parents. You sound like you were really blessed with with an amazing mother and father. Now for one of the fun questions: What single chore did you hate more than any others? Why?

Folding. I hate folding. It feels like such a waste of time. I’m going to have to unfold the clothes to wear them soon anyway. I’d rather hang than fold. That’s all I’m saying.

You know, that's why I love my ereader. I download a book and put it on text-to-speech so that I can listen while I fold laundry. But unlike you, I'd rather fold than hang. How do you think your upbringing and the way your parents raised you prepared you to be a writer?

They never limited my creativity. They encouraged me to use my talents and didn’t force me to live my life in the box of their expectations. They also encouraged me to participate in and appreciate the Arts. I was constantly going to museums, listening to or singing a variety of musical genres, watching classic movies, taking dance lessons and checking out stacks of books at the library. 

And now your interest in books and creativity has morphed into you being an author. How cool is that! Thanks for being with us today, Noelle.

The giveaway will end on midnight on Saturday, July 28. To enter, leave a comment and email address below. Now here's a little more about The Runaway Bride:

The only husband Lorelei Wilkins ever wanted was Sean O'Brien, but she's wasted too much time waiting for him to love her back. When another man proposes, she accepts—until she stands at the altar…and realizes she can't marry without love. Bolting out of town toward a fresh start, she never suspected her parents would send Sheriff O'Brien to bring her home!

After an innocent mistake leaves Lorelei and her reluctant rescuer with compromised reputations, marriage is their only option. But first they must triumph over suspicious locals, shady characters, an inconvenient groom and the bride's own stubborn heart. Will it take putting their lives on the line for Sean and Lorelei to realize that only love can conquer all?

Activities for Kids in the Summer Heat

With summer in full swing, and a lot of states experiencing warmer than usual weather, I decided to list some summer friendly activities to do with your kids:

1. Go swimming. Whether you head to a little lake, a big ocean, a swimming pool, or a river ideal for tubing, getting your kids to some water (and sand, if possible) is always a fun way to spend an afternoon. It gets the kids loaded up on Vitamin D from having all that skin exposed to the sun, and it's sure to bring smiles to your kids' faces. Just remember to pack the sunscreen so your kids don't accidentally get fried.

2. Have a water balloon fight. Do you remember summer days filled with water balloons and neighborhood kids? I'll admit water balloon fights are one of those simple, fun activities that I'm often prone to forget. But for a couple dollars, you can buy a bag of balloons and let them have a blast.

3. Play Marco Polo, but with a water gun instead of a swimming pool. Give the person who's it the gun, and let him spray the other players to get them "out."

4. Wash the car--and let the kids help. This is a good way to ensure EVERYONE will end up soaked and smiling. (Just don't tell your kids that most adults consider washing the car a chore.)

5. Make smoothies. You'll need a half cup of ice, fruits of your kid's choice (like strawberries, oranges, or bananas) and a touch of water or unsweetened juice. Poor it into a blender and pulse the ice. Then your kids end up with a snack that's fun, cooling, and healthy. Who knew such foods existed?

Hopefully now you've got some cool summer ideas to help occupy both you and your kids. And now I'm curious about you. What were your favorite summer activities growing up? Does anyone have a really fun game to share that will keep the kids entertained in the sun?

Summertime Blues

School is ending across the country, and with it, wails of distress from parents as they scramble for ways to fill their children’s time during the hot, sticky days of summer. I’ve heard numerous parents express dismay at the end of school, and have felt in the minority that I don’t feel as miserable as they do about having my children around all the time.

For families with both parents working, or for single parent households, I can well understand the need to find adequate childcare or camps in the summer. But for families that have one parent at home, summer is a wonderful opportunity for you and your children—and it doesn’t have to mean you are responsible for entertaining them day in and day out.

Fighting chants of “I’m bored,” or “I don’t know what to do,” or “I have nothing to do,” can be downright exhausting if you hear those or similar phrases as soon as your little darlings wake in the morning. But do not despair! I have a solution that, if followed to the letter, will ensure a summer filled with innovation and inspiration, all with just a little bit of work on your part.

First, draw up a list of things your child or children can do on their own. This can be as simple as play with a certain toy or read a book. Tailor it to the age of your child. Write down as many things as you can think of that require a minimum (read barely any) assistance from you. Type it up and label it “Things to Do When You’re Bored” or something equally catchy.

Note: Your summer will go smoother if you limit electronic screen time (TV and video/DVD watching, computer, and hand-held electronic games, etc.). Studies have shown—and, if you have ever interrupted a child involved in one of those activities—that screen time is highly addictive. Better to encourage your children in other pursuits in their leisure time. This is not a popular view, I know, but I think you’ll find it’s worth the hassle to get your kids disconnected for most of the summer.

Second, write down a list of extra chores not included in the daily or weekly list for your children. Cut into slips of paper with one chore on each slip, fold and place into a jar or other container and label “Chore Jar.”

Third, on the first day of summer vacation, sit down your kids after breakfast and hand them the “Things to Do When You’re Bored” list. Tell them that this is what they can do when they’re feeling bored or have nothing to do. Inform them that if anyone utters the words “I’m bored,” or “I have nothing to do,” or any variation thereof, that child picks a chore to do from the Chore Jar. That chore must be completed immediately to the parent’s satisfaction. Failure to do so will result in being confined to his or her room for the rest of the day and to bed after supper. This is called “making them an offer they can’t refuse.”

Fourth, follow through. When I introduced this last summer to my two older girls, they immediately said they were bored to see what kind of chores were in the Chore Jar. After completing a particular onerous task, I didn’t hear “I’m bored,” the entire summer.

For those of you who need ideas, my booklet Boredom Busters has dozens of ideas for children, as well as some chore ideas for the Chore Jar. Boredom Busters is available on Kindle and Smashwords (for the Nook, iPad, and other e-reader devices, as well as in a PDF) for only 99 cents. Leave a comment under this post for a chance to win a copy of the Boredom Busters.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Managing TV Time for Your Kids

Is there any parent living in a civilized country who doesn't struggle with this? If so, I'd love to meet him or her. At my house, my five year old will often ask to watch a show or two when he first wakes up in the morning. Then he'll ask to watch another a couple hours later, and then another a while after that. Of course I have times where I actually want him to watch TV (like while I'm typing this blog post), because he leaves me alone and lets me get my work done. And to top off the daily TV marathon in our household, I like for him to watch TV before bed, because it seems to calm him down, get him still, and numb his brain a touch.

So for a while, my son was watching about 3 hours of TV per day. And in my opinion (and the opinions of child psychologists) that's an hour too much. You see, I want my kid to have an imagination. I want him to think up his own games and play by himself at times. And I don't want him so used to watching TV that he looses the ability to entertain himself.

Thus I came up with a solution to our "TV Time Troubles". And horror of all horrors, I actually stole this idea from my mom, who did this with me and my siblings when we were younger.

Now I can hear all your voices collectively asking me, "What did you do? What did you do?"

I made tickets. That's right, tickets. I took some card stock, cut out four rectangles, and wrote "TV Ticket: redeemable for 1/2 hour of TV per day" on the strips. Now I give these tickets to my son every morning. When asks to watch TV, I pretty much say yes, but I remind him that when the tickets are gone, they're gone.

I've been using this system for about a week, and it's working well. My son no longer throws a fit when I tell him he can't watch anymore TV, because he has a tangible way of understanding when he's watched enough (he's out of tickets).

So as much as I may not want to admit my mother was right, in this instance, I believe she was.

But like anything, the tickets system isn't perfect. Here's a couple of warnings:

The first day or two we used tickets, my son watched his TV earlier in the day. This soon ended, though, when he realized that he didn't have any tickets left for before bedtime. Now he's spacing out his ticket usage more evenly.

I also had to drop the idea of asking him to watch TV when it was convenient for me. I just leave the choice up to him. Yes, this makes for a bit of a sacrifice on my part, but on the flip side, my son is learning to make his own decisions about television. And it's not too hard for me to adjust to his schedule and do computer work when HE decides to watch TV.

So there you have it, a fun method to manage your children's TV time. Now I'm curious about the rest of you. What do you use to manage your kid's TV usage? And how many of you find yourselves using some of the techniques your parents once used with you?

Top TenThings Never to Tell a Stay At Home Mom

10. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.

9. I'm jealous. I wish my husband made enough money I didn't have to work either.

8. No wonder your child is so clingy.

7. You spent all that money on a college degree, and now you're not even using it?

6. I couldn’t do that. I need to have a life.

5. Wow. I thought your house would be cleaner than this.

4. Does your husband give you an allowance from his paycheck?

3. Oh how wonderful you get to sleep in everyday.

2. What do you mean you don't cook dinner every night?

1. You're just a mom? You mean you don't have a real job?


*** I can't take full credit for this list I compiled ideas from numerous other places around the web, added a few of my own thoughts, and rearranged the order.

So Moms, now I'm curious. What's the worst thing you've ever heard about staying at home?

A Day in the Life of a Writer

With Sanctuary for a Lady having been released for about a month now, I keep fielding questions and hearing comments about what being a big, famous, published author must be like. So I thought I'd give you all a glimpse of my glamorous author's life.

1. It's not glamorous.
2. I'm not famous.
3. I'm not big. In fact I barely  reach 5'1.

I still scrub my own toilets and clean up my dog's vomit. I still play with my kids and help pick up their messes. And book contracts or not, I'm still interrupted from my computer activities. For example, since I've started writing this particular blog post, I think stepped away from the computer to tend to the kids four times. (Heaven forbid my husband who is currently sprawled across the couch get up and find spoons so my boys can eat some yogurt.)

While I might be able to endure distractions during writing a blog post, I can't handle distractions while writing scenes for my novel. So to find distraction-free writing time, I get up at 5:00 am to write. Then I get the kids around for the day, do housework, play, fix breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner (my husband helps cook dinner certain days), and clean it all up.

On top of that, I try to sneak time for a second writing session while my youngest is taking his nap. Then I have emails to answer, blog posts to write, blog interviews to fill out, Facebook and GoodReads to swing by and chat on, and books to package, address and take to the post office.

I usually fall into bed around 8:00pm each night, completely exhausted. But I still take about an hour to read, so that I get some sort of break from the crazy, constant, motion of my life.

Would I trade my life? No. I love writing, I enjoy staying in contact with my writing friends and readers, I long to be a good mom to my children and wonderful wife to my husband. But these obligations keeps me very busy, working 14 hours most days.

Which is why I've decided to write only two blog posts per week rather than three. I enjoy each of you readers and look forward to connecting with you through my blog. The topics of mothering and balancing our other obligations are very dear to my heart, and this blog provides an opportunity for me to express that. But at the same time, as I look down the long road of blogging and realize that I'll be doing this for years to come (along with writing novels), three posts a week seems too much for me. Two posts appears a lot more sustainable over the next few years. And so I'll be switching to a Monday and Thursday blog schedule. Thank you all for understanding.

So, now that you know a little about my life, what's involved in being an author and mother, I'm curious about yours. Do you find yourself juggling multiple responsibilities? Are you the type to add too much to your plate, or not enough? How do you decide when to pull back or keep going?

Thanks so much for joining me today, and I'll be back again on Thursday.

Naomi

The Myth of Free Time

In the fall, all four of my children will be in school, albeit not all full-time (my youngest will be in a three-day preschool program). Whenever this comes up in conversation, the enviable response is, “What will you do with all of your free time?”

Ah, free time—that mythical land to which every mother longs to go. As someone who currently works part-time from home, I rarely have free time now, and I don’t anticipate that changing once the children are in school.

I think the bigger question is what does this say about the current view of mothering. My mother stayed at home, but her time wasn’t consumed by doing for—or entertaining—me. Sure, household chores ate up some time, but once we were older than three, time spent in childcare dropped considerably for women of my mother’s generation.

That kind of mothering has fallen out of favor, and with it the rise of no time, free or otherwise. I am grateful for my mother’s example, for it gives me the fortitude to follow in her footsteps. Direct care of my children has lessened as they age; correspondingly, time I spend taking care of the household has also dropped as the children have picked up more of the cleaning chores.

In turn, that has allowed me to pick up some of the things that I put on hold when the children first arrived: reading, writing, knitting and sewing, for example.

While I’m looking forward to a quieter house next fall, I won’t have to worry about how to fill my suddenly “free time” since my time has always been mine to fill. I’ll take the 24 hours given to us each day and try to use it wisely—just like I do now.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Weekend Assignment--Read to Your Kids

Since we've been talking about reading to children this week, you've probably already guessed what your assignment is for this week. That's right: READ TO YOUR KIDS.

Pick at least two books over the weekend to read to your little ones, and make the time to do it. You might even take a trip to the library.

And our question for discussion today: What type of books do you prefer to read to your children? Dr. Sues? Richard Scary? Fancy Nancy? Any other thoughts or ideas? Leave your answer in a comment below!

Reading to Children--Quotes

I have quotes to share today, some from rather famous writers and celebrities, about reading to children. Enjoy!

"So please, oh PLEASE, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can install, A lovely bookshelf on the wall."
— Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
— J. K. Rowling

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents."
— Emilie Buchwald

"Teaching reading IS rocket science."
— Louisa Moats

"Babies are born with the instinct to speak, the way spiders are born with the instinct to spin webs. You don't need to train babies to speak; they just do. But reading is different."
— Steven Pinker

"Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are formed, his mind developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow, his name is today."
— Gabriela Mistral

"Reading aloud with children is known to be the single most important activity for building the knowledge and skills they will eventually require for learning to read."
— Marilyn Jager Adams

"There are many little ways to enlarge your child's world. Love of books is the best of all."
— Jacqueline Kennedy

"No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. She will not want new fashions nor regret the loss of expensive diversions or variety of company if she can be amused with an author in her closet."
— Lady Montagu, providing advice on raising her granddaughter, 1752

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more you learn, the more places you'll go."
— Dr. Seuss, "I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!"

"Wear the old coat and buy the new book."
— Austin Phelps

"You may have tangible wealth untold. / Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. / Richer than I you can never be – / I had a mother who read to me."
— Strickland Gillilan

"To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark."
— Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

If that's not encouragement to read to your children, I don't know what is.

Side note: I'm also blogging today over at Regency Reflections, where I'm sharing a review of a simply wonderful novel I read over the weekend, Heart's Safe Passage by Laurie Alice Eakes. Stop by if you have a chance.

Reading to Your Child--Three Reasons Why You Should

I'm a rather busy mom, and on this blog I usually post about ways to optimize your time and make homemaking and raising children simpler. But today I'm going against my usual mantra, and I'll address something that will add time to your busy schedule. But it's worth every minute of sacrifice you make. Today I'm going to talk about reading to your children.

Child psychology experts advocate you should read 20 minutes a day to your child, and they have myriad reasons to back up their advice. Here's a few:

1. Reading to your children helps develop their imagination, while on the flip side, too much television hinders your child's imagination. This is interesting to me, as I actually force my oldest son to go up to his bedroom and play with his toys for forty minutes per day. No coloring books, no TV, no computer games. Just his imagination and his action figures, or blocks, or Lincoln Logs or Legos. And when I do this early in the day, I notice that he's more responsive and better behaved throughout the day.

2. Reading to your children helps them associate reading with pleasure. Whether or not your child becomes an avid book lover later in life, he or she will spend much time reading: newspapers, blogs, magazines, textbooks, text messages, emails, and those annoying forms you have to sign at the doctor's office once a year. Your child won't be able to get away from reading as he or she matures into adulthood. Reading to children when they are young can help prepare them for the future responsibilities they'll face in our busy, modern world.

3. Reading to your children boosts their background knowledge and curiosity. If your child has a question or something piques his interest in one of his books, go to the library and get more books on the subject. Fill that thirst for knowledge your child is already developing, and do so in a way that makes learning fun for him.

I know reading to your children takes time from your busy schedule. And if you read before putting them to bed at the end of a long day, it might be the last thing you want to do or have energy for. But the end result is worth it.

I'll have more on reading to your children in my next post. In the meantime, I'd love to hear what your son's or daughter's favorite book is in the comments below.

Merry-Go-Round: Old Fashioned Fun

With March proving to be delightful in the weather department, we’ve been visiting playgrounds recently. On one visit, for nearly the entire half hour or so we were there, my three oldest children played on one piece of equipment: the merry-go-round. Laughter, squeals of pretend terror, sheer joy on the faces of the children hanging on for dear life as other kids ran as fast as they could in the grooved circle—what could be a better picture of childhood?

Nearly every non-preschooler who came to the playground made a beeline directly for the merry-go-round. I sat on a nearby bench and watched the interplay between the kids, and was heartened to see everyone getting along. Chants of “Push us, push us,” were answered by someone leaping off and racing around. When my youngest son (age 3) got on and then decided he wanted off shortly after the rotations began, a kid yelled, “Stop, someone wants to get off,” and they slowed to allow my son to slid off.

What other piece of equipment can teach children how to get along with one another better than a merry-go-round? There’s so many life lessons to be learned while spinning until you’re dizzy.

But we adults have over-reacted to the merry-go-round’s potential harm by suing playground equipment manufacturers, and cities and schools that had parks with merry-go-rounds installed. Sure some kids have gotten hurt on merry-go-rounds, but what I find more disturbing is our increasing desire to wrap our children in cotton wool to avoid any booboos or skinned knees (hence the tendency to make them wear knee and elbow pads while bike riding or rollerblading).

No one wants our children to get hurt psychically, and we should put a stop to obviously dangerous things. On the other hand, giving children the freedom to spread their wings and fly around the world on a merry-go-round can be wonderful to their own development.

Let them see the world outside is to be explored and conquered, not feared and avoided. Let them experience the joys and pains of mastering things like bike riding and monkey bars. Let them view the world from a different perspective by climbing trees or hanging upside from the swing set.

Sure, you might have to stock up on band-aids and kiss a few more hurts, but if you can resist the urge to place your children inside a bubble, you might just find out that they are tougher than you think. Hearing your children describe their outdoor adventures can be a priceless experience in itself.

So keep the cotton wool safely tucked away, and go find a park with a merry-go-round, but I’d avoid jumping on board unless you have a stomach of iron. Some things are better left to the kids.

Sarah Hamaker is a freelance writer and editor, and author of Hired@Home, a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle. Her stories have appeared in previous Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com, where she blogs about working from home.

Weekend Assignment: Take Time with Your Kids

Happy Friday everybody!

I'm going to start giving little weekend assignments on my blog. Not necessarily huge tasks, but small ideas that can help your family grow closer.

This weekend, set aside some time to be with your kids. Take a moment and remind yourself for a moment about of how special your children are. You only have one chance to raise them.

Yesterday my oldest came home from preschool with a game of Go Fish that his teacher had given him. My husband and I, who weren't planning on taking a Go Fish break, sat down and played it with him. We played and played and played, and my son smiled and smiled and smiled. And it was good. A pleasant surprise and a nice way to spend time with him.

So now I'm curious, do any of you have a favorite activity to do with your kids?