Apologizing has become an art form these days, with
politicians, celebrities and CEOs saying “I’m sorry” in the public arena for
misdeeds. Many times, the sincerity of such apologies are questions, with good
cause in some cases. I sometimes shudder to think how all those public mea culpas look to children.
We want our children to apologize when they do something
wrong. Usually, they can see—even if they don’t acknowledge—that their actions
were not right and therefore an “I’m sorry” is needed.
But what about when the action was an accident, totally
unintentional? Then it’s harder for the child to make the connection as to the
apology’s necessary, but it doesn’t negate the fact that the apology should
still be made.
One way we raise our children to be good citizens is to ensure
they take responsibility for both their intentional and accidental actions.
Whether they mean to hurt someone—with words or deeds—is not the point, and so
many times we as parents get bogged down with the intent of the action.
Instead, we should focus on the action’s outcome—hurt feelings or hurt bodies.
If our child caused such hurt, whether it’s legitimate or not, whether it was
on purpose or not, then the child should apologize.
In our family, we’ve tried to teach our children how to
apologize. For instance, “I’m sorry,” isn’t enough. The child must say what
he’s apologizing for. The child to whom the apology is given also needs to
acknowledge the apology and tender forgiveness—at least verbally—by saying “I
forgive you.”
Some wrongs might need more than a verbal apology. I’ve had
my girls write letters of apology when they’ve hurt the feelings of a friend.
The very act of putting down on paper why they are sorry can help them feel
more remorse and also shows the other child their sincerity in the apology.
Children often don’t think to say they’re sorry because
they’re still learning not to be self-centered. Helping them follow the Golden
Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—is key to them realizing
their need to apologize.
It’s difficult to apologize, because we don’t like to be in
the wrong. We should remember that our children are watching us as we do—or
don’t, as the case may be—apologize for our own wrongdoings. The more sincere
and quick we are to say we’re sorry, the better example we’ll be for our
children to follow.
How do you handle it when your child needs to say he’s
sorry?
Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach
through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coaching Institute. She’s also a
freelance writer and editor, and author of
Hired@Home,
a guide to unlocking women’s work-from-home potential now available on Kindle.
Her stories have appeared in
Chicken Soup
for the Soul books. Sarah lives in
Virginia
with her husband and four children. Visit her online at
www.sarahhamaker.com.
It is with a sad heart that I've decided it's time for me (and all of you), to say "goodbye" to Making Home Work. I've been blogging here for nearly two years, and while I started out with a wealth of family and home information to expound upon, I've found that I've now shared the majority of it.
